It's about 12:00 in the morning on Friday night. But you can probably see that from the little date thingy that is attached to this journal.

Musing #1:
I'm a pretty easygoing person, not a lot of stuff gets to me. I like to sit back and let things run their course.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a hard worker and if I don't like something, I'll change it, but I don't actively attempt to change things just for the sake of argument. I know when to keep my mouth shut.
Anyway, I don't let things affect me too much. I NEVER pretend there's nothing wrong, but I tend to fool myself into keeping my cool by making it feel like it's not a big deal. Even if it is a pretty big deal, such as a grandfather being really sick, probably dying.
It takes a really big emotional shock to break down my go-with-the-flow coping mechanism. But when it does, EVERYTHING that's going on that I have been going with the flow about just hits me. All at once. Like a truck.
Considering this, the past month has not been fun in the least.
I had not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR really big emotional shocks.
Add this to everything else I had going against me, it's been a long April.

It all feels like a disturbing dream that I'm just beginning to wake up from. Not the kind of dream that makes you wake up crying and screaming and the sheets are all twisted and soaked, but the kind that makes you feel like you're drowning when you finally try to wake up. The kind that you remember vividly, but you can't exactly remember what it was that scared you so much. And it haunts you for the longest time. And people keep asking you afterward if you're okay, because you think about it so much that it changes your behavior on a subconscious level.
It's like that, only this is happening while I'm awake. I'm just finishing a waking nightmare, and people in my dreams keep asking me if I'm okay.